I Am Burnt Out and I Am Grateful.
The pattering of rain on the bathroom skylight sung us to sleep… well, almost.
I lay there, my thoughts beating to the rhythms of the rain. Rapid, random, ruthless. So I swung my legs out of bed, threw my robe on, and shuffled to my office across the hall.
When the sun finally crept up over the hill, I had the clearest thought I have had in months.
I am burnt out.
And then, standing there in that beautiful sunlight, a feeling I did not expect.
I Don't Set Goals.
I was sitting in a leadership seminar, pen in hand, everyone around me writing furiously — and I had absolutely nothing. Not a scratch on the page. For a long time I read that moment as evidence of a deficit. Now I read it differently. Goals written in neat little rows have never been the thing that moves me. What moves me is the system. The process. The structure I trust enough to show up for — consistently. And as it turns out, that's enough. More than enough.
Bad Mentors Don't Yell… They Say Nothing.
I had spent days on that design. I walked her through it — heart in my throat, words tripping over each other — and when I finished, the silence stretched out. Then: This is great. I love this. I think it's wonderful. And I felt, to my complete surprise, disappointed. Empty feedback is its own kind of brutal. It just wears a friendlier face. The professor who told me my fourth-year project wasn't good? She changed my career. The one who said "I love it"? She taught me nothing.
Stop Trying to Make Me Feel Better About Not Knowing Things!!
There's a piece of advice that lives in every business TikTok algorithm: "Don't wait until you feel ready. Nobody knows what they're doing anyway." The first half? Solid. The second half? A problem. The moment encouragement shifts from you can do hard things to everyone's just winging it, we've stopped building confidence and started lowering the bar. And I don't want a lower bar. I want to actually get good at this.
The Discipline Behind the Design
Not long ago, someone in a team meeting suggested offering the design for free. The rest of the room nodded. And I felt like I'd been kicked in the gut. The smoother a project looks in the field, the more invisible the thinking behind it becomes. But calling that thinking "free" quietly reduces years of technical training, creative problem-solving, and disciplined iteration to an afterthought. Design is not decoration. It's decision-making — and it deserves to be valued as such.